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.:: life flows on and on ::.

-don't go against it-

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Nope, still haven't lost my penchant for obnoxious, unrelated music lyric titles.

It's been a long time, guys! >o< I just looked back on my old posts and realized I described one of my room mates as "fantastic" earlier... oh, how quickly our relationship dissolved...

Anyways, here's a general update on ME since January!

I got over not working at the desk pretty quickly. Unfortunately, between the bullshit I suffered through last year (I have no problem with my room mate sleeping with our RA, persay, but when they break up and get back together and break up again and said RA is stalking our room, I get uncomfortable, and when no one in Housing does anything about the situation... well, you know.) and the final blow at the desk, I became much much much less enchanted with the idea of living in the dorms again and these days, I literally am there for the 2-8 hours it takes to sleep.

As for the RA application... well, the short story is the aforementioned mentor who became really bitchy when I asked for a recommendation called me down to his office in the middle of the night very soon after I lost my job at the desk to berate me and pretty much speak to me like a child about how I should have TOLD him (It honestly slipped my mind) and that he would have to put this lack of communication ability in his recommendation of me for the application. From that point, I was really scared I wouldn't get the job, so I signed a lease to an apartment with my room mate now. I really love my room mate (and our other two future roomies) and the apartment and I was really attached to the idea by the time interview time came around. After what this mentor said, I hadn't thought I would make it to the interview, but they passed me into it so after a brief panic moment, I declined the interview and got out of the process.

To be honest, it's been nothing but up from there. After a brief blip where I finally admitted to myself that I really just hate business I dropped my business minor and picked up a linguistics major which I am IN LOVE WITH. I've never fallen in love so fast with an academic topic before, seriously. I read academic linguistic journals for fun and managed to worm my way into taking grad-level Japanese linguistics next semester (overriding the pre-reqs of needing to do a million pages of paperwork and actually being a senior to take it, might I add...)

So of course, now onto what actually inspired me to post again which is.... a problem.

These days, Nell and I have become miraculously much closer than we used to be, for which I am ecstatic for obvious reasons. When I went home for my birthday a couple of weeks ago, her, Salvina and I actually sat around the dining room table and talked and had fun with each other for the first time in YEARS. And she baked me a birthday muffin!! All in all, I'm really really happy that our relationship can improve.

Nell really wants to go to Bowling Green next year for school, but the bottom line is that she doesn't have the money. She hasn't admitted it yet (because she is stubborn) and it's quite the sore point between her and our parents, but it's seeming to shape up like that. She still needs another $7000 to attend and it's just not happening (This is after loans). She doesn't want to go to UT at all and isn't even looking into the possibility at this point, which is scary because she needs to make a decision like NOW.

Next year, I was planning on not renewing my loans since I am fortunate enough to have a tuition scholarship as well as a couple extra that would be able to finance my apartment on top of two jobs (I picked up a job making pizza at a campus dining area). It wouldn't be 7 grand, but it would certainly help, and I'm thinking of giving it to her.

Of course, my mother doesn't want me to because she wants Nell to start taking responsibility for her own actions, and also she isn't so sure of how she'll fare the first year. My reservation doesn't come from this but a more selfish reason...

I see many people who are studying abroad next year (or are supposed to be) really panicking at this point because of course the cost of studying abroad in Japan is higher than OSU makes it seem. The biggest problem is they won't know their financial aid award (From applying to study abroad scholarships etc) until next Friday, much to late too really effectively make other plans for the year if you can't afford to go.

Keeping this in mind, I'm starting to think about taking out the loans anyways but saving them and now using them, but keeping them in store for my study abroad the year after next. Of course I'll also apply for scholarships, but while my GPA has made a stellar recovery from trying to study business, it's no 4.0, so I can't be sure I'll be a good candidate for many scholarships.

I KNOW I should keep this money for myself... but I know how it feels to want something so bad you can't admit you can't afford it until it happens. In my case, I was more selfish. My parents took a personal loan to help me pay for my Japan trip, and I regret the fact that I don't regret making them do that. So I understand where she's coming from... not sure what to do here :/ I just want her to have the education she wants.

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Your mother is right sweety. It is your money that you worked hard for, and trust me saving it will be 10,000 times better in the long run to have that nest egg. The other reason I say "no" is the same reason your mom has stated, Nell needs to earn it for herself. She's hoping someone will just give it to her and work something out. If you help her out she will just always expect a bailout or someone to help her when something goes wrong, but she already doesn't try to take responsibility for her actions. In the long run helping her out like this will lead to her being my sister more or less.

I know you love her, I know she's family, but sometimes love is letting them fall on their face so you are enabling her.

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